I haven’t been in JOI much this week. It has been pretty busy for me, and I haven’t been able to get the spare time to come in. Instead I have spent my days this week in the paradise of Honolulu, Hawaii.

Or so it is described anyway.

But not by me. Oh no, not by me.

I have been to tropical islands that are much more idyllic than Oahu. I was staying in the Hilton Hawaiin village, which is supposed to be one of the nicer placest to stay on the island. Hmm. The place was built in the 1960s and it doesn’t seem to have changed since its initial construction. It is one of the noisiest places I have ever had to stay.

Indeed the whole island reminded me of some down-trodden city. Homeless people walk the streets everywhere pushing shoppng trolleys that hold their few possessions, and you can see them sleeping in many of the parks, staying in the shade of the trees.

Away from the Waikiki area the commercial and industrial areas of the island seem very downbeat and depressed, and it is only the tourist areas that have any kind of shine to them, although these areas themselves suffer from a tourist-based single dimensionality (is that a real word?). Going through the shops and the markets the only things that you seem able to buy a plastic flower leis, Hawaiin shirts, cheap and tuneless ukeleles and things made out of shells.

Is this all the Hawaiin culture has to offer? Plastic trinkets and clothing with bright patterns or “Aloha” written across it?

Maybe I was in the wrong area, or maybe the other islands are less tacky than Oahu, but between meeting with engineering managers, giving an open presentation at the university and meeting with discussing recommendations of new curriculum prior to introducing new courses with the local college staff I wasn’t able to find out if there was more depth elsewhere on the islands.

Certainly I know I would have been pissed off if I had paid to have a holiday on the island, now I have seen it up close I will know to flick past the Hawaii pages in the travel brochures from now on.

I wrote this post while sitting in the middle of a flight over to San Francisco.

During the first hour of the flight it struck home just how ruthless you have to be to travel in any kind of comfort when flying long distance. The biggest weapon in you arsenal is Status. If you fly often you generally sign up to every air miles plan there is so you can at least get a little something back from the airline you are flying with. But in order to get the most out of it you really need to concentrate on just one or two airlines. Personally I have had Gold status with BA and Emirates for a couple of years now, but last year I was a bit slack with flying BA and they have this month busted me back down to being just a silver member.

“No longer can I use the line…. move one of them!

This means that I have to think a bit more on my feet for the next few months while I rack up some more flights with them. Take today for example. I chose my seat on the plane on the internet about a week ago, it was an exit row seat so I had plenty of leg room, but it’s still not as comfortable as lying down.

As the plane starts to get full that’s when the hunting instinct kicks in. You can see peoples heads turn as they start looking for an empty row, or a seat with no-one in the next one down.  Then people start to prowl, eyeing up the empty rows, and quietly laying claim to them.

Today I was lucky. I ran right to the back of the plane and found an empty 4 seat row. The next trick is to know how to lay claim to the entire 4 seats without other people trying to grab the other end. The answer to this is shoes and pillows.

Take all the pillows that are spread over the seats and pile them up onto the far end one. Then take off your shoes and place them under the seat. People generally won’t even move the pillows once they see them, but there’s no chance in hell they will be touching your stinking shoes! They also give the impression that someone is actually sitting there, but they just aren’t in their seat right now.

The next step is to completely 100% take over. Once the plane has taken off you need to move quickly. The very second that seatbelt sign goes off you need to be lying down across the whole row with your eyes shut. This leaves absolutely no chance for any wandering predators to try and muscle in on your newly found territory. And you really do need to be quick here. There is nothing worse than having staked your claim only to find someone grabs the other end of your row just after takeoff.

These definitely worked for me today, and now I am stretched out, with a longer space than the beds in business class even, laptop perched on top of me typing this out to pass away some of the ten hours in the air. Longing for the day I regain my Status.

The British Civil Aviation Authority is preparing to levy higher fines on BAA, the worlds largest airport operator unless it reduces passenger processing times through it’s British Airports.

The current security arrangements at Londons Heathrow and Gatwick airports are a shambles. Following the ever more panicked security measures being put into place at our airports the time it takes for a passenger to get into the airport, check in, and get through immigration and security seems to increase ever week. This is partly the fault of the C.A.A. who have imposed just plainly ridiculous security requirements. Liquids and gels are now allowed to be carried onto aircraft, but they must be in containers of 100ml or less, and they have to be kept in a transparent plastic bag. Oh and they bag must be able to be sealed, if any containers stick out the top thats not allowed because obviously a bag with 5 makeup containers that won’t seal poses an incredibly higher security risk than a bag with 4 containers that is able to zip shut.

Part of the blame must also be placed at the feet of a minority of idiot travellers too. A family member was recently held up for an hour on his way to a skiing holiday after one member of the party was found by security staff to be carrying screwdrivers, Stanley knives and scissors in his rucksack. There really is no excuse for this kind of sheer stupidity, the security arrangements have been published in every newspaper and TV news program every time there is a security alert, they are provided by the travel agents at the time of booking, explained during check-in and then sign posted all over the airport. Yet some people still are so ignorant of the world around them and information being provided to them they manage to blank all that out and are surprised to find themselves being caught out by security staff.

Yet the majority of the blame must be laid out on BAA, who have failed completely to take into account the extra requirements and ramp up their resources within the airports. As you pass through immigration in Heathrow Terminal 4 you are still faced with only two staff who are their to check your passports. In Terminal 3 the immigration process depends on the time if day you want to fly.

Abdul Huhid has today been convicted of two counts of soliciting murder after taking part in demonstrations in London and chanting the slogan “bomb, bomb the UK”.

Finally someone in the country has been strong enough to stand up against the hypocrisy that lets miltant muslims take part in nearly any actions in the name of religion, while any other people that would decide to take part in such a protest would be arrested under the UK’s Racial and Religious Hatred Bill. A bill that has been condemned as being drafted specifically to prevent tensions with Muslim communities by allowing the arrest of any individuals criticising the religion, while failing to be used in regard to any other group.

This may not be a fair comparison of these two events, after all trying to find new converts to a religion is not quite the same as showing the icon of the faith with bombs under their hats. However they definitely do not have much tolerance for people trying to convert people away from their religion, although they have no problem broadcasting videos expounding their views and expecting people to join them. I don’t particularly have anything against any religion at all, I don’t believe in any of them myself but I don’t hold anything against anyone who wants to believe. What I do object to is having it rammed down my throat and that’s exactly what some of the far right members of this particular religion do. In fact if I don’t convert they want to kill me! and you too! and anyone else who doesn’t convert.

Muslim leaders are now petitioning the UK government to allow Sariah law to apply to UK Muslims, Sariah law is the religious set of laws that Muslims are supposed to live by, now they expect governments to allow them to live by their own laws instead of those of the country that they live in.

“We need to stop being so overly sensitive”

I am hoping to leave the UK soon with the plan of actually moving to an Islamic country. I have no problem with this at all. I can just imagine the reaction if I suggested by any means that we started changing the countries laws to meet those that I have lived by so far.

Looking at the administration panel I can see that people are linking to this blog! Cool!

For some reason I am having people from Malaysia looking at what I am writing, maybe it’s because I haven’t said anything bad about them yet. I am sure I can rememdy that sometime soon haha

Actually there isn’t very much bad I can say about Malaysia. Sure there is a lot of corruption but you get that all over in Asia anyway so that is par for the course. Probably the most annoying thing is trying to get around the place.

As a western guy it is almost impossible to get around Kuala Lumpur without being hounded by pimps and prostitutes. You get in a cab, the driver asks if you want a woman. You walk down the street a guy walks up and asks if you want a woman. You go down a different street, an 80 old woman asks if you want a woman. You point out she’s loking like she’s about 80 and she says she’ll get you someone younger. You point out the could mean a 70 year old woman and move on (and yes, that bit really happened). You go into a bar and all of a sudden are besieged by lots of women of negotiable affection.

This starts off as merely irritating, however by the end of the night it is frustrating in the extreme!

So to any Malaysians out there - thanks for reading! And tell the women I won’t pay for it!

Well thats if he doesn’t win the election for President of the USA that is!

Personally I like both Barack Obama and John McCain, I think they both seem to make great arguments, they both are very charsimatic and likable and they both appear to be honest to me. I know they’re from opposite parties but I think either of them would be suited to the office, and assume that responsibility with much more respect for it and a much greater aptitude to the role than a certain Texan who will remain nameless. Oh and by the way I don’t like Hillary! Both Obama and McCain seem to me much more worthy politicians than the ones I see running the British political parties, exhibiting none of the smarminess of Tony Blair, the senility of Sir Menzies Campbell and none of the gruff arrogance of Gordon Brown.

Nevertheless if the outcome is that Obama doesn’t get to sit in the oval office he should come and see if he can’t grab 10 Downing Street instead. Now I know its not much of a runners up prize, instead of running the most powerful country in the world you end up running a country that hides behind and kowtows to the aforementioned most powerful one, but you see he is pretty much assured a win.

And he wouldn’t even have to try they would just give him the job, but unfortunately for the wrong reasons. Yesterday the British Prison Service, which comes under the largest Goverment department - the Home Office - announced that it is going to move its administrative operations from the town of Corby to Leicester.

One of the reasons for the move? Leicester has greater ethnic diversity than Corby, a town that is 94% white compared to 60% white in Leicester. They also cite the reason the Leicester has a high proportion of degree educated residents. Umm, could this be because there is a university in Leicester?

According to the Universities Annual Report it was at Leicester the DNA genetic fingerprinting was invented by Sir Alec Jeffreys who still works in his department, it hosts one of the countries largest schools of Historical Studies, and is internationally known for its Space Research and Exploration. Obviously the people who leave the university having studied any of the subjects that the place is reknowned for will be falling over each other to get a job doing paperwork for the Prison Service. I mean who wouldn’t be thrilled with that job?

“its not only likely he would win, it would be mandated”

There are various different reasons for the slide in global markets yesterday when stock markets around the world suffered some of the biggest falls in years.

One of the causes cited has been the rumour that China is going to clamp down on illegal investments in its markets. Why would this have such a global impact? Because illegal activity and business dealings go hand in hand in the East.

It is nearly impossible to do business in Eastern countries without a series of under the table deals being struck. Whether this amounts to gifts which could amount to anything from laptops to houses being given to managers, promises of a job within a company, to plain old cash being handed over in envelopes. As you get into bigger and bigger contracts the amount required to secure yourself a contract becomes even greater.

In 2004 the UK’s Serious Fraud Office started an investigation into BAE systems, a defence contractor (and until recently an owner of Airbus) for improper accounting. Over the next two and a half years the ongoing investigation turned up slush funds for Saudi royals totalling over $100 million. The investigation was later ceased upon the insistence of the British government following Saudi threats to cut off diplomatic relations with the UK.

“the biggest arms contract the UK has ever seen”

Of course not. In fact it would probably require even more money to be squirreled away.

So when the government of China announces that it is going to investigate illegal business trading this will have a huge impact. China is regarded as the biggest growth market for most business now, nearly every contract there is going to be at risk if the government. This would affect every bank, every company on the London stock exchange, the NYSE, the NASDAQ, every major company in the world has been trying to win contracts in this country. If every single business has to be investigated can you imagine the chaos that will ensue on the markets then?

But then is the Chinese government serious about this? Government officials are just as corrupt if not more so than their business counterparts. There are a lot of people there who would be out of pocket if the country suddenly tried to go straight. And if they are taking money now, why wouldn’t they take it to turn a blind eye in any investigations? Time will tell, but personally I just don’t see China going legit any time soon.

John Armitt, the Chief Executive of Network Rail, the company that is responsible for the public rail infratructure, should be imprisoned.

An 84 year old woman was killed and many more injured in a rail crash in Cumbria last week. This week a preliminary report has blamed poor maintenance on the tracks. Missing bolts and bars between the rails resulted in the track buckling as the train passed over it at 95mph.

This follows an almost identical crash at Potters Bar in 2002. Following this accident it was revealed that the national rail infrastructure was in a woeful state of maintenance. The fall out from this resulted in rail contractors Jarvis being fined £3 million and and accepting liability for the accident, Railtrack, the company that was at the time responsible for the infrasctructure was wound up by the government and the government controlled Network Rail was set up.
It is clear that in the intervening years the companies responsible for maintaining the British railways have taken the safety of the network no more seriously than in the past, and now there are more dead and injured paying the price for this. Sure the company will probably be fined, but does that really affect the individuals who have taken the highly paid job of being responsible for this mess? No. Ok they may not get a Christmas bonus this year, but is that really enough of a stick in order to beat them with to make sure they take their responsibilities seriously?

The Corporate Manslaughter And Corporate Homocide Bill introduced by the house of commons last year holds only the companies themselves responsible and does not make any allowance for action to be taken against company directors. In the case of Network Rail the company is funded by a mixture of debt issued to mercantile banks such as Barclays and HSBC as well as direct funding support from the government. So this is a company that has no shareholders to answer to either. So who does this guy answer to? Politicians? We all know how seriously these people take their responsibilities to the people.

Even if this was a real PLC the only people who would be affected by the fines levied on the company would be the shareholders anyway. The only time a company director seems to be personally penalised for a crime commited by their company is if it involves financial impropreity, this ridiculous situation needs to be resolved urgently.

And John Armitt should go to jail.

So for those of you who don’t read the JOI Gazette, who don’t read feedback, dont peruse the mall and ignore the big signs in the Main Plaza JOI now has a snazzy little photo album available for anyone who wants one.

I have set one up here, and have been filling it with a few pictures from some of my travels. It will be interesting to see how people use their JOI albums, I am sure some people will post their vacation pictures, some of the more adventurous of our residents may even decide to post scantily clad or nude pictures of themselves (this is JOI after all lol).

I have always had to travel. From the grand old age of 1 I was dragged by my parents around the Middle East, spending 5 years in Saudi Arabia and another 3 in the Oman. Between these I had 2 years back home in England, before hitting the road in the UK as a young engineer out of school. Then about 6 years ago I took on a job that meant I had to travel to just about anywhere in the globe. So far I have visited a fair portion of the globe including:

(in no particular order and probably with some missing)

USA, Canada, Mexico, Ireland, UK (obviously!), France, Belgium, Holland, Spain, Norway, Sweden, Finland, Denmark, Germany, Italy, Austria, Switzerland, Estonia, Latvia, Poland, Romania, The Czech Republic, Slovakia, Hungary, Greece, Turkey, Cyprus, Russia, Egypt, Israel, Saudi Arabia, Oman, United Arab Emirates, Pakistan, India, Thailand, Malaysia, Singapore, The Phillipines, China, Japan, South Africa, Mauritius and Australia.

Looking back over my photos it is easy to see which countries I visited when I had first started my job, there would be lots of pictures as I walked around towns, with a tourist like photo-snapping finger. Then after a couple of months this slowed, and then slowed even more as months turned to years. Now I am so blase (I know that is spelled wrong but it’s late here, I’m tired, and I can’t find ”e” key with the little thing above it lol) about the whole thing and the world around me that I hardly ever take any pictures. Even when something major is happening around me - such as a bomb outside my hotel in Turkey, or a roadside bomb a couple hundred yards away in Israel.

So while some people use their RL photo albums to remember their vacations, and significant events or milestones, I can use mine to track my personal decline from bright eyed youngster to world weary near-middle age.

No matter what your thoughts are on McDonalds you would gladly eat there if faced with the prospect of eating at some of the restaurants in Delhi.