SOMETIMES YOU FEEL LIKE A NUT…

 Background: I do a lot of volunteer work for the local precient. Mostly youth groups. I’d like to think of myself as a stellar example of a fine upstanding citizen… but this is ME we’re talking about.

Maybe my lack of height has been a postive thing in some respects, as it seems to allow me to think I am larger than life sometimes.

I don’t like when people try to transfer their bad behaviour to others, and I especially don’t like it when the person they are transfering to is yours truly.

Clients on parole who turn out dirty urines must, by law, be reported to their P.O.

So was the case with “Chuckles”. Of course that’s not his name, but I am feeling particularly acerbic as I wrtie this and so “Chuckles” he shall be.

Having followed all the protocols expected of me, I went back to work, oblivious as to what would later transpire.

Actually, the truth is more that I just couldn’t be arsed to think about any consequences, positive or negative. Waste of time.

Client goes thru his normal 8 hour routine, unaware that he actually didn’t get over like he thought he would. Shame on him. He just shouldn’t have wasted the effort of trying to adulterate his specimen.

Officials respond, papers are signed, validation is given.

Break time… out back, leaning against the back of the building, looking out over the small courtyard where sometimes children play, but which is now occupied by about half of my current advisory group.

The small talk stops as in turn, they begin to turn towards the back door….

Out comes “Chuckles”, cuffed, escorted by two marshals.

I try not to look at him, lest he feel froggy.

He feels froggy…

“YOU CUNT!” he all but spits at me….

All my years of training, therapy, preaching and teaching fly right out the god damned window as I wheel to face him while snapping out a right hand hook that lands with sheer perfection on his nose.

“CRACK!!!”

*gasps from my students, actual belly laughs from the marshals…. as “Chuckles” flies into a rant about how he is going to sue my ass off, etc etc.

I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve been threatened and by bigger and tougher men than him, and foolish as you may believe this to be, I just refuse to take it to heart.

Marshal number one yanks on “Chuckles” belt to hold him back, not that he was going to get far…

Marshal number two, still laughing… “Man Oh Man! The guys in lock up are gonna piss when they get told ya got ya nose broke by a 5 foot nothing GIRL!”

“Chuckles”: “You saw it, she assaulted me. I want her arrested.”

Several formerly gape mouthed students: “You FELL, man. You Fell.”

The worst part of the entire scenario was going back to the group and explaining to them all that that was the aboloutely Wrongest thing to do in that kind of situation.

“Physician, Heal thyself”